Today I feel like a 3 year old. Everything is completely out of my control and I want to just throw myself on the floor and kick and scream. Actually, I wanted to hurl a glass at the concrete wall during lunch.
Now, that said, it has been a challenging 24 hours. I swore off candy last October in order to lose some weight and ease the battle I continually fight with unstable blood sugar. Found I just can’t eat ¼ or even ½ the bag/bar. Have to eat the whole thing. It has been a wonderful experience for my body and I have generally experienced very stable blood sugars, unless I gorge myself occasionally on my fav treat, frozen yogurt with candy on top (read anything chocolate)
Out of boredom and lust, I picked up a caramel candy in class yesterday afternoon and promptly pulled off a crown. ARGGGGHH! Luckily I didn’t damage or swallow it, placed it carefully back over the tooth, and continued my day, pain free, eating soft foods and chewing gingerly. Peace Corps was able to arrange a dental appointment for me at 0830 this morning and I was promptly greeted by the driver at 0800 to deliver me to the dentist.
Very grateful….However, turns out I did not see the PC dentist but the one covering for him. Long story short, my crown is now cemented on incorrectly causing scraping and uneven chewing/biting that is annoying and irritating. Perfection, ah, another opportunity to let go…Dr Stone, where are you! My highly skilled dentist from home with a luxurious zen-like office.
I just wanted to zone out, scream, feel sorry for myself. So irritable and crabby today…
We then visited a local district hospital. It was exhausting just touring the place. They deliver 20,000 babies/year. That is a whopping number of births. They also have a huge HIV clinic, inpatient TB ward, pediatric, NICU (that’s a relative term) and ortho (also relative) Their catchment area is over 1 million people and they have 1 xray machine, no CT, and the xray has been down “for a while”. Additionally Malawi has only one MRI for the entire country! Patients and family members sleep on the concrete floor (read dusty and dirty) as there aren’t enough beds, and there are often 16-20 people plus their guardian/caregivers in a 20×20 room. Needless to say, it was depressing, sad, and a bit overwhelming.
My tooth is aching a bit and when I returned to my room for a little quiet time, the internet was down. Frantic to pay Carrie’s last tuition bill before it is overdue, I was almost writhing with anxiety! I am still paying bills from home that are rolling in, and I have some outstanding correspondence looming over my head which I wanted to get done. No chance, more irritability and frustration.
However, as I write this I am again reminded of how petty and insignificant my problems are compared to those faced by Malawians daily. Today I observed 2 young girls, perhaps 7 and 8, walking with their mom, a baby strapped on her back. The girls had no shoes on, were walking in the dust on rocky ‘sidewalk’ and were clearly limping and not feeling well. Their clothes were filthy and the older one was carrying a very large bundle on her head. And I’m complaining about my tooth and the internet?
Off to language class and then to a new restaurant for dinner! Italian, yum. I think I will focus on the best conditions available to me, not what is going wrong.My emotions are all over the place. I am looking forward to moving into my house and settling…August 12th